Self Administered Therapy

Back

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 16:39:05 GMT

Oh my poor neglected livejournal page. How is the world surviving without my incessant whining?

Annnnnyyyyywayyyy.....

Aiko and I are bake from Hawaii and are bracing for the cold Minnesota winter. It's been mild so far but I hope for the cold days and snow lest mother nature makes me out to be a liar. It's hard to imagine that this time last week I was sitting around in a t-shirt and flip flops. Maybe I am ready to skip out on a few winters again and moving to a warmer climate.

I did do a little bit of research into the prospect of moving. I spent some time looking over the jobs on craigslist and looked into the programs at the University of Hawaii. The thought of moving is my next big dream. It's an idea I can just roll around in my head. It's nice to think about anyway. This is Minnesota and warm thoughts are always welcome come January.

Later

Ben

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 07:47:40 GMT

long time no blog...

I'm up late and winding down from work.

later

Thoughts..

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 16:35:43 GMT

I've written a few of these lately. Of course, I did not publish them. There's one on my ipod written while getting an oil change, the one from the coffee shop, and the one written at three. I didn't publish because I didn't finish them.

My life changes in 8 days.

A guy I was running with over the weekend was talking about skydiving. That got me thinking about my life to do list. Somewhere along the line I added write a book. Well, that won't be for quite a while. There's other things to do first.

I'm going to have to learn how to write....

Ben

Old habits

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 08:40:02 GMT

I am up late because I fell off the wagon. I know what you are thinking. Christ Ben, do we have to put up with another drunk blog. Rest assured I am not up late drinking into oblivion or wandering the streets of Minneapolis late at night. I am up because I started reading a fantasy/sci-fi series and just HAD to finish the book I was reading. This is dangerous since this author has written many a book and I have recently found a bookstore in the area that is open until midnight.

Oh fiction, you're nasty and you make me feel dirty. Reaching for that novel feels so much like the drive through at Mcdonalds. I know it's bad for me but it's cheap, easy, fast and tastes sooo very good when you're in the mood.

I shouldn't be reading at all... but I just can't stop after one when I get going.....

Goodnight Internet,

I am definitely not making plans to by the next book in the series.

Ben

Chaffing

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 02:50:27 GMT

On Sunday I participated in my first half marathon. I consider this as the halfway point on one of the items on the big list of things to do before I die. Seriously, who ever puts run a HALF marathon on their big list?
I’m still pretty pleased with myself. I didn’t really give myself a goal other than finishing so I can’t really complain about m time. The weather was great, one of my co-workers came out to run. A fair number from the running group came out so there were a few people at the finish line. The entry was cheap, the crowd was not overpowering. All things considered , it was a lot of fun.
This was my first event longer than a 5k so I was not sure what to expect. The route circled around several lakes in Woodbury. The weather was perfect. The air was at that temperature where you felt like you could run and run and never worry about overheating or getting to cold. The sun was out and created a beautiful picture as it rose slowly over the lakes. I tried to take some pictures during the first few miles. The iPhone doesn’t really take the best action shots so I really only got one that I was happy with.
The first few miles went great. I ran with my co-worker and his friend for the first mile and a half. We gradually sped up they took off a head as he settled into a race pace. I was surprised to see that every mile was marked with big white number. At first, I was irritated. I hadn’t trained with these and I was afraid they would make the race seem drawn out. I did what I was supposed to and ran slowly with a gradually increase to a comfortable but not too fast pace for the first half. By mile six I was feeling really good. By mile seven, I had started a slightly more aggressive increase, and that was feeling REALLY good. I knew how much energy I had left and it was more than enough to finish at that pace. At mile ten, I was getting excited. THREE MILES LEFT! I can do that in my SLEEP! I go this down. HELL YEAH! Well, I paid for my hubris. Shortly after that , my left knee started to hurt. It was a pain I was unfamiliar with and a little scary. Thoughts of expensive surgeries and not be able to run again started to go through my head. This is just a race, I’d be in a lot of trouble if I let myself get hurt….. I slowed down…. a lot. So many many people ran past: the young, the elderly, the overweight and disabled. Those last few miles were humiliating. I finished in a real crappy mood. Also, my nipples chaffed so much I had two circles of blood on my shirt. The sad thing is that I can't wait to do this again.
I’m thinking some serious cross training and a gym membership may be in order. I wouldn’t mind getting into swimming again. The upper body workout would be nice. Winter is coming and a treadmill workout may become more of a necessity. I could still run outside on the weekends if I needed to…..

It’s something to think about.

Later Internet.

Ben

Advice for you specifically

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 05:17:58 GMT

I don't do this too often. But the lyrics are worth a read. It's good advice.

you must try to lead a good life
you must do unto others as you would have them do
so that when you die you'll find golden boy peanuts waiting in the
afterlife for you

there are no pan asian supermarkets down in hell
so you can't buy golden boy peanuts
there are no pan asian supermarkets down in hell
so you can't buy golden boy peanuts

if thine enemy oppresseth you
you must let him oppress you some more
so that when you go shopping in paradise
you'll find those magnificent peanuts from singapore
with the drawing of the young chinese farmer
the eastern sun behind him smiling at you from the shelves
if we want to spend eternity in happiness
well we're gonna have watch ourselves
you must give to the march of dimes
you must be on guard against wickedness at all times
and you'll find that your efforts have brought you great joy
when your spirit is munching on that golden boy

there are no pan asian supermarkets down in hell
so you can't buy golden boy peanuts there
but the streets of heaven are lined with shelves
and there's billboards of the golden boy everywhere
there are no pan asian supermarkets down in hell
so you can't buy golden boy peanuts
there are no pan asian supermarkets down in hell
so you can't buy golden boy peanuts... GO!

The Mountain Goats. Album: Ghana Song: Golden Boy

Good times

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 16:32:26 GMT

I had a great run this morning. It really was fun. The rain kept me nice and cool and the scenery was just awesome. I even got to do one of my favorite things which was getting lost. A sensible person would have kept to the nice paved trail . Not me! I took one of those inviting paths that go down to the river. The path I thought that I was taking was much further up. When I realized my error, back tracking would have added more to my run than I would care too. I opted to say "screw the trail!" and moved my run along the shoreline. If the water levels were higher I'd be in trouble. They weren't so my major obstacles involved ducking under trees, jumping rocks and so on. It was a nice little energy boost. I really am thankful that I'm living close enough to the river that I can include it in my runs. I'm also really glad that Minnesotans love the outdoors so much that there are maintained trails and parks on both sides down to Fort Snelling. Well, I have laundry to do now that my clothes are soaking wet from the rain and sweat.

Later

Ben

more about shoes

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 16:31:04 GMT

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a href"http://www.saturacakes.com/hawaii/home.php?cat>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Training ran into some snags this week. Monday was an intentional rest day( I used this time to find someone to perform the October. I had an early morning appointment on Tuesday, a speech on class to perform for class on Wednesday, slept in on Thursday, got up late on Friday. and turned my run into a two mile errand to the bank.
On Saturday I had it all worked out. I would do my big run in the morning and then head to work at ten. A few short miles in, the blister forming on my right foot became unbearable and I turned around to walk back. A walk back in running gear is the walk of shame. It felt like all the other runners were glaring as the sped by. What's with him? he must have been out of shape and couldn't make it. That doesn't look like speed walking, why would you bother to get dressed up for a casual stroll? I get very self conscious.
Upon inspection of my shoes, the large cushy insoles (they had been working great) that I had put in to reduce knee pain had taken their toll on the shoe. They'd pushed my heel up so it was not as stable and the excess movement had torn through fabric of the shoe causing me blister. After a month and a half, I needed new shoes again. This was particularly frustrating as I had not been training all week! I called Aiko and talked about Hawaii wedding <a href"http://www.saturacakes.com/hawaii/home.php?cat=273">cakes</a> as I walked home. I also ran the purchase of new shoes by her. It would be a large enough purchase that I felt I should run it by her before I just went out and bought them. I guess the possibility of a gym membership is out for this month.
I may have expressed my dislike for the running room... or at least a certain employee..in a previous blog. Someone I run with mentioned Run n fun in St. Paul as a good place to go. So I went there and dropped $85 on a new pair of shoes. That hurt, but I was pretty comfortable with the sales person. We went a size up with a little more stability in the shoe. I'm taking advantage of a co worker with guest passes to the YMCA downtown to test out the shoe on a treadmill. It's hard to really tell what will happen with a shoe until a few miles into a run. If it doesn't get dirty I can bring it back. I'm just missing my long outdoor run .... yuck... treadmills.

mm

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 15:13:43 GMT

Argh... stuff to do! Getting out of bed sucks so hard...

Christmas lights

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 16:26:39 GMT

So I am thinking that I should stop stressing out about location. It's going to be at night. Any place at night can look decent after throwing up a few Christmas lights in the right spot.

Ben

Stuff

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 20:10:55 GMT

What a beautiful day it is today. It was slightly marred by a trip to work, however, I am claiming the rest of it for me. Right now I am settled in my favorite coffee shop in uptown. The big garage door window, there is a nice line of motorcycles out the front, and I am settled with a cup of coffee (not too warm for it today) and m laptop.
I do plan to get some work done today. There are wedding plans to go over, invitations to get started on, homework to do, storage units to clean, budgets to make… etc. For now, I am having a stop and think moment before I dive back into world of the busy.
Running is going better than I thought it would be. Sure, there have been hiccups. There have been some knee and back issues, some foot issues. But that seems to be or less under control. Technically, I’ve lost about eight pounds since I started. The flab seems to disappearing faster than the weight, so I’m pretty excited about that. I’ve also signed up for a half marathon at the end of August. There is a ten mile race that is scheduled for next Saturday that I am seriously considering. It would fit really well into my training schedule for the half. Tonight, I’m thinking about running around a couple of the nice flat lakes down here. Yesterday was a slightly hilly run along the river. I do love the park systems in Minnesota.
The wedding planning is coming along…. more or less… Aiko has the Hawaii wedding under control. The church is booked, the reception is planned, the hotel is chosen. The Minnesota wedding, however, is my responsibility. Can you guess how much I’ve gotten done? Eric, Leona, if you make it this far into the blog, can you send me the name of the person that did your ceremony? Also….. I want to roast a pig….and I may have an Aunt that is in the business of building giant pull behind a truck smokers. I may be able to borrow one of these. I spoke with some relatives and acquaintances about various ways to barbeque. The image of the smell of tasty smoky meat permeating throughout a cool mid October day has seared itself in my mind . We should talk about feasibility.
My mind has been spinning about location. I have suddenly realized that I’m going to have to figure this out real soon. We need to know who is coming to Hawaii sooner than later and I want to send out official invitations to relatives for both weddings at the same time. I’ve been told that once I’ve got location, time, and some one to perform the ceremony, the rest of the details are merely that. I am very open to suggestions; I love hearing ideas even if I don’t always agree. Here’s what I am thinking about right now.
I’d like to have a short ceremony, have the wedding in the same place as the reception. It will be in the evening in October so it will be dark. It would be super cool if the backdrop were somewhere that looked pretty at night with room for around thirty people max. I can’t handle more than that! I am happy with anywhere from a church to someone’s back yard as long as it is the immediate Minneapolis/St. Paul area. I don’t want anyone have to drive more that thirty minutes out of his or her way.
Nothing at all is set in stone and the Minnesota wedding might just end at a courthouse. But that is a worst case scenario. I’m pretty stoked either way.

Well, I should probably get back to “work”. It’s about three now and I’m thinking of running around 5:30 -6. I hope it stays nice!

Later Internet

Ben

Impressions

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 17:13:59 GMT

I went out running this morning with a group from the running room in uptown. I arrived at 8:30 to find that everyone there was a marathoner. About a year and a half ago, I bought some shoes there. They gave me horrible blisters the few times I ran with them. I gave up trying to start running again.
I didn’t like the woman that sold me the shoes. Her whole attitude screamed “I don’t want to bother to help this guy who’s never going to use anything he buys here”. I spent a small fortune on shoes that were not suited to my feet. Maybe if I had bought the right shoes, I would have started running then. I made an effort to remember the incident and to take my business to places that treated running “noobs” a little better. So I didn’t go back in the store until yesterday. The salesperson I didn’t like was absent (this was relieving). I bought my insoles and found out they had runs scheduled on Sundays at 8:30. The group I’ve been going out with didn’t have anything scheduled so I went. It’s good to be social”, I thought. Being around like-minded people will reinforce my desire to run.

Of course, the person leading the run was the one I didn’t like. Now, I have a hard enough time keeping my mouth shut as it is. First impressions are not my thing. It takes me a little while to adjust to the group. I ended up running with her and some other guy. It is so hard not to be sarcastic and negative when I’m feeling a little bitter (most days of the week). My sense of humor also leans toward shock value of comments. My winners of the day were mentioning how much I hate college kids, and how Minnesotans were a little elitist, which I clarified to closed off and insular. Both people I was running with were born and raised in Minnesota and had spent long periods in college … Yeah… Did I mention that first impressions aren’t my thing?
I just couldn’t let the shoe thing go. Here was the set up “I think you sold me a pair of shoes about a year and a half ago”
“Oh, how’d they work out for you?”
(This is where most people would lie. But not me… because I have a tendency to go for shock value…. and I’m an idiot)
“They gave me pretty bad blisters and I didn’t start running again until a few weeks ago”
“………’

There were two other things that bothered me about the group. Before everyone started to run a dog walker had stopped because her dog was showing a keen interest in the group. “He wants to be petted” she said. No one moved. I started to walk over thinking “Why is no one petting the puppy!?” . After proving the dog was “safe” a few people walked over and said hello to the dog before the walker went away.
I couldn’t help but think of an incident in psychology where a large number of people witnessed a crime but not one raised a hand to stop it. Apparently they all thought that someone else would take care of it while there own inaction was reinforced by other’s reaction. “Sheep!” I thought, “You’re all sheep!”. The other was on the way back a couple of people were struggling to bring a Canoe down to the water down some stairs. Without much of a thought, I asked “do you need a hand?”. Then, the other guy we were running with starts making a big show out of helping out.. telling the people what to do with the canoe. This bugged me because this was not how I was taught to be altruistic. You shut up, make as little a deal about it as possible, smile and tell them to have a nice day. Personal kudos are bad, an inflated ego because of helping is bad, it should be as normal as a handshake and not done to show off. If you wouldn’t do it is you were by yourself, then you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.
I might go back when circumstances allow again. It was a good run and I don’t actually believe first impressions are accurate especially when you’ve been primed to expect bad things.

Ben

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Thu, 21 May 2009 16:44:39 GMT

Any moment now I will get up, shower, and head out to work. I headed out running around the block again this morning. I figured out a good three mile loop on google maps last night. I run down to the stone arch bridge and then head back on central. There's a good amount of hills on the way back. I keep on thinking about how much easier this will be after dropping the extra thirty pounds or so I've been carrying.
I took the evening off last night to go for a run with people I met on the internet. There's a good mix of levels. So I don't feel like a total loser. I'm going out again on Saturday morning. I'm hoping to find a good training partner that runs about my speed and has similar goals (I want to do some events this summer if I can). Right now, I'm trying to get over the pains of starting to run again. I'm lucky that I'm still just experiencing muscle pain. I'm just going to keep easing into this slowly. Despite what you see in cartoons, training really hard and fast usually just ends up with an injury.

Time for work

Ben

running

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Mon, 18 May 2009 04:02:27 GMT

My body is in pain. I tried the whole running thing again only to discover that I am in the worst shape of my life. It hurts everywhere... I'm such a wuss. On the plus side, I am tired enough that I can sleep a normal schedule. I actually slept during the night time and not just early morning for the last few nights. Yay! healthy sleep pattern. Hooray for hours that promote sanity!

Ben

woot?

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Sat, 09 May 2009 03:59:44 GMT

Alrighty then! I go forth with the call of the once mighty Jim Carey as Ace Ventura. It makes me laugh in my head every time I think of it. I imagine Ace Ventura with his outrageous hair and over dramatic head movements. I chuckle. Is it that the joke is still good that I’m still laughing more than ten years later? Maybe I am just overly nostalgic.
Anyway, it is what often pops into mind right before I have to do something serious. I then forget about the seriousness of the situation and then I try to crack a joke instead. I never actually say Alrighty then. My desire to be “cool” stops me from actually going through with it. Constantly making references to ten year old movies and TV shows is really anything but cool. So sad. I’ll go into geek quote mode later when it is socially acceptable.
I should note that while I talk of “coolness’ I am sitting in a white t-shirt with sumo wrestlers printed on it. It complements the flip flops nicely. I rock?
Alrighty then… I don't know how to type. My accuracy sucks and it is really hindering my writing.. I go practice now.

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 03:32:39 GMT

Objectively, I had a good day. I slept in, got out and walked and now I am winding down with my computer and Pandora in a coffee shop. This is a great day of relaxing and doing nothing. I love shit. Hell! I’m even wearing flip flops. I am sitting in a coffee shop writing and listening to music without shoes on a beautiful day that was supposed to be a rainy one.

I called Aiko earlier before she went work(happy about that). I communed with nature, saw a wood duck (I care cause it’s not a mallard) and a baby bunny . It was a great evening objectively. So here I am trying to appreciate my nice day of calmness.

It’s become mundane really. I walked my long walk, but it’s become a familiar route and I could use some excitement. So I am frustrated because I don’t know what to do to make myself unbored other than to write about how bored I am.
Yes, I would like some cheese with wine. Thank you for offering.

Springtime cometh

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 00:21:45 GMT

I normally don't post the unfinished versions here but I thought it was about time I did something with these photos

Later Biatches,

BEn

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 02:56:31 GMT

It was an uneventful day of Laundry and dishes. I took the car down to uptown, parked close to my old apartment and took walked the greenway down to the lakes to enjoy the sun. The wind was very cold and biting and I soon found that my light jacket was not up to the task.
I was bad. I finished my walk with a stop at Chipotle. It was a very yummy burrito even if I undid the benefits of the walk. I am now getting hungry again....

Oh noes

so it has come to cat videos.....

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 18:04:07 GMT

Seriously, you'll like this one if you haven't seen it already. The cat stuck on the fan is awesome.

The cat stuck on the fan is actually fake. Did you honestly think a household fan has enough power to do that?

Ben

follow up

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 01:11:54 GMT

Did anyone watch the cartoon I posted earlier? I've been watching it over and over again since Aiko had me watch it earlier this week. It got to me quite a bit. I teared up a bit.. But cartoons get to me more than other media. There is something involved with the act of suspending my disbelief to see lines on paper as people that drops the other protective barrier to reveal the gooey center. It's nice feeling.

You should scroll down and watch it

Later

Ben

Thoughts on good powder

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 05:36:27 GMT

No new videos for you all. By that I mean I don’t have any new ones that were made by your’s truly. Things are heating up in the outdoors and that means that more people are out on the streets. There is a certain amount of security in stepping out into a dark city when it is in the single digits or snow is falling like crazy. It is serene on the weekdays of a major Minnesotan city.

I’m a night owl and have been for years. It isn’t like this is a new thing, I’ve been sneaking out since High school. I remember one time when I was about sixteen, I decided to go see a movie at a later showing. I do not remember which movie it was or why I decided to go but I do remember the trip home.

It was around one am on a weekday. I rode my bike through the winter back streets from the theater back to my family’s house about five miles away from the theater. The world seemed frozen in time as a I pedaled my bike through the fresh snow that had fallen while I was watching my movie. The sky was now clear and full of stars. It was the type of snow that had fallen as a light soft powder, like someone had dusted the side walk with white cotton candy. There was no resistance as my bike went from drift to drift.
It was just one of those perfect moments. The image that stuck in my mind was getting to the top of the hill down by the The lookout and peering straight through the outline of a naked tree into the stars as I paused to get ready for the oncoming speed of the downhill.

I got chewed out for not telling anyone my plans when I go home. I was branded irresponsible and inconsiderate, but it was really hard to let anything bother me at that point.

Goodnight Internet,

Ben

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 05:26:57 GMT

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 08:15:51 GMT

Here's another video for y'all.
Goodnight

Ben

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 17:10:38 GMT

I am doing something bad and am posting from the iPhone again. It happens. My car is being repaired and I am taking the light rail to work while listening to el ten eleven. Ian is complaining that I am not talking about my life enough on here. Well, I am sorry to disappoint my stalkers. Isn't pictures of everywhere I go good enough for you?
I have another on of those videos in the works right now. It'll be a bit longer than the recent ones but still essentially the same as the others. I am not sure if I will get to it untill the weekend.
Today is St Patricks day. I don't think I will be doing anything. I did go out to the local between bus stops. I ran into some people from the hotel, had some Irish beer and went back more intoxicated than intended.

Later Internet

Ben

why the hell not?

cynicman2001@yahoo.com — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 09:09:06 GMT